The Postpartum Body aka Fear of Acceptance
|Unedited photo. No breaths were inhaled during the taking of this picture|
I am not the kind of person that usually shares these kind of things but I am doing it in the hopes of thus creating an important internal change. I never thought that pregnancy could create changes beyond weight gain/issues (which I luckily don’t have) after birth. But when I look in the mirror now, I see the body of a stranger. It has been 3 months (at the time of the picture taking) since a little monster busted out of my guts, and no matter how good I actually feel, when I pass my reflection all I see is a distorted me. I know I am not imagining it since I can’t fit into my high waisted and tailored clothes anymore. My before pitiful abs are now like overstretched 80s elastics that make me wonder how they even hold in all my organs.
I don’t understand how celebrities look so great after they give birth since you are not allowed to do exercises for a while (my doctor said no exercises for 3 months). Or maybe the changes are so personal that no one but one self notices them, so these celebrities might be in the same boat.
The thing is I feel pretty bratty complaining about my body because I am well aware it could have been worse. After all I am one of the lucky ones since most of my changes were not permanent but will hopefully eventually fade. I am not writing this to get a pity party but as a form of empowerment to myself and maybe even some other women who feel like this as well.
I want to acknowledge the changes and my feelings towards them and move on. I feel so happy since the birth, yet I sigh when I see myself in the mirror. I want to be patient and hope for my abs to return from their 1980s state to their 2010s state and for my ribs to somewhen move back to where they belong. But until then (or who knows maybe never) I refuse to feel bad about it.
My body is not my worth. Society does not dictate how I should feel.
And with this I accept who I am, all of it. No exceptions.
I would love to hear your story. Please share!