Johnny and I have had a Halloween tradition for a few years now.
We like to watch at least one Halloween movie a day for the entire month of October.
Sometimes we watch a whole lot of them in one day of course and since there are so many Halloween movie candidates out there we have decided to start our marathon early this year.
Only that this year there was one rule, only to watch films that at least one of us had not seen before.
We compiled a list of films that had been on our watch list for a while together with some other films we found through researching Halloween appropriate movie lists.
In the end the list was 152 movies long (and growing still) but since we started to get a head start we think it is absolutely possible to watch them all by the end of October.
We started on September the 15th and so far we have watched 46 films . Unfortunately most of them were not very good, but some of them quite fun!
I do log and rate every movie of course (diary can be found here) so you can have a look at my ratings of the films I have seen so far.
Unfortunately I don't have time to write out every single film of the list but you can see it here for some Halloween film inspiration.
Today I just wanted to mention the films I liked the most so far.
Hopefully i will have time to write about some of my favorite must watch classics too!
Trick ‘r’ Treat (2007)
A quite typical Halloween slightly campy horror film. It is fun and entertaining and will certainly give you a big dose of Halloween flavour.
The Vanishing (1988)
This was a surprise for me since I really didn't like the look of the film (drab but not in the good kind of way). The story and writing are excellent though! If you are interested in watching a unique film with quite a terrifying “villain” this is a must watch for you!
Swiss Army Man (2007)
This was much more fun that I thought it was going to be even though I had high expectations already. I love the performances by both Paul Dano and Daniel Radcliffe and simply loved watching them be all sorts of goofy during the duration of this film.
A Page of Madness (1926)
Unfortunately 1/3 of the film is lost and it shows (it is still coherent though) but remains beautiful to watch still. A 20s silent film that usually doesn't pop up on any horror or must watch lists but I think it should.
Brain Damage (1988)
We found this film on Guillermo del Toro's recommendation movie list and it did deliver. It is quite weird but very fun and inventive. The “monster” is adorable and the practical effects are great.
X: The Man with the X-Ray Eyes (1963)
Even though this is made by Roger Corman, it has quite a bit of a Hitchcock feel to it. Not too Halloweeny but a good film nonetheless.
Scanners (1981)
I’m not a huge Cronenberg fan ( besides the Fly of course!) but this was quite enjoyable. It is made very much in his style but the concept of it was weird in a good way.
From Beyond (1986)
I liked this mostly for its special effects but if you liked Re-animator you would probably enjoy this one too.
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)
I’ve watched this a few times but Johnny had never finished the whole film. I love this one and definitely a must watch for horror, movie, halloween or art fans!
I Married a Witch (1942)
This one was quite fun to watch. Veronica Lake was a lot funnier than expected and I loved the special effects as well.
Tales from the Crypt (1972)
I cant believe I had never seen the before. I liked it much more than I thought I was going to since I am not a big fan of 70s films. The story lines just get weirder and weirder in a good way!
Hideaway (1995)
Jeff Goldblum!
From the aforementioned The Fly
Just Buried (2007)
I quite liked this little Jay Baruchel film. It was a typical romantic horror comedy. Unfortunately they don't make this kind of movies that often anymore.
Izo (2004)
This film is one of the weirdest on the list. If you like wild rides I would watch this one!
To Die For (1995)
Goofy yet weird film with an incredible performance by Joaquin Phoenix. The score by Danny Elfman really pulls this film together
What are your Halloween favorties and have you seen any of the films on the list already?
If you missed Part I you can head over here and read about how I perceived pregnancy and my thoughts on the stereotypes that are shared around the net. Today I will talk a little bit about things that I would have done differently in my pregnancy and other random thoughts.
My only pregnancy regrets are really my own fault, and the ones of my lazy self. Regrets might even be a strong word but it is things that I would do differently next time.
Work out as soon as you can!
I used to sort of work out before I got pregnant. It was this daily 10-15 minute ordeal trying to not be such a lazy bone all the time. Right after conception I was too sick to do it anymore so I took a break for three months. Yet instead of going straight back into my “workout” routine I somehow dilly dallied for two more months. Two months of muscle strength that I could really use right now. Basically at around months 7 or so my back started hurting and by month 8 it got quite bad. I have always had back problems so I was expecting it, but boy why did I not start doing my back exercises earlier?
It just shows that not being depressed and more motivated than usual does not suddenly make me this super human but just a less depressed and more motivated lazy self. I have a wonderful physiotherapist that I sometimes see for relief but she is not free on a daily basis which is what my pain level dictates at the moment. I know I would have had back pain even with the extra two months work out but I simply feel like I could have done more and exercising while in pain is really not that fun. But I am happy to say that I have consistently done my exercises for a few months now! Semi success I call that.
Don’t wait until the last month to fix your place up
Unless you really have solid reasons, I recommend getting things ready before you are 9 months along. Why did I wait this long? Well maybe because impending parenthood is still very surreal to me and I’m still not even sure if there is a human in me or an Alien that will promptly beam itself into a space ship once it has exited my body.
Not only would I be semi screwed if it would come out now (the little monster came out a week after I wrote this article actually. The day after I finished fixing my apartment) since my place is a mess and I still need furniture, but my body is not happy with the level of activity I have right now. My pregnancy was quite wonderful and I didn't even feel pregnant until about 2 weeks ago. That is the exact moment I realized that it could come out any day now and I need to get going with the fixing.
Just before hitting 9 months my body decided to be really really pregnant without any warning. So now I have a lot of organising to do while feeling like a wobbly Totoro. I should have done it earlier, I really should have.
I am a very private person (even though it might not seem so here) and I didn’t really tell anyone I was pregnant until just now (now being 2 weeks before birth). In fact Johnny was the one who thought it was time to announce the pregnancy. And so was Mother. It took me 7 months to tell my best friend, so you see I am weird that way. Not that I am not happy to share, I mean I am super happy since this is one of the best things that has happened in a long time. But to me this is my pregnancy, my body and I neither want to share it nor let other people feel they have a right to it. So far the monster is not someones grand child, or niece, but my belly alien. Not even that. It isn't even my belly alien but I have a giant moving parasite inside of me that may or may not come out as a human (the humanity is yet to be confirmed).
Then things might possibly be different, maybe it won't be mine anymore but ours (so far it feels like Johnny and mine only). But for now it is not mine but ME. I am very happy to have finally announced it but I am just as happy to have kept it a secret until now. So this is not really one of my regrets but more one of Mother's. The lesson is, don't feel obligated to share the news with people who either don't care or would be negative about it.
It is a fact that not everyone cares about people being pregnant, that is not horrible, just normal, some people just don't, but that doesn't mean they should drag you down if they can't be at least decent enough to faint some sort of happiness for you. Or maybe I should rephrase that to: Why would you tell someone you know doesn't care just so they drag you down? Because you probably feel obligated to do so. Why? Society I assume. Then there is the people you know will likely react negatively to your pregnancy and all they would do is make you feel bad about something you are possibly very happy about. Who the heck are these negative not caring people you ask? Probably family members I assume. Well, Mother did not heed my advice when I told her that certain people who may or may not share my DNA should not be let in on the news for her own sake. But as usual (my Mother is an oversharing kind of person in general) she couldn't hold it in anymore and told the not-carers and the ones that reacted quite negatively. The outcome was that everyone felt bad, Mother, me and possibly also those haters. Now she admits it wasn't worth it at all and I realize that telling those kind of people is not something I would do in the future.
Now I have this picture in my head of people that are supposed to care about me (because society dictates it) saying things like “Was it planned?”, or “Why would they get a baby in the first place?” to “Are they even capable of raising it?”. Not a pretty picture, don't do it to yourself my dear people. Spectrum bias can be quite harsh and strangely enough usually from people who are pretty clueless about it. The people that really know us and my ASD specialists/therapist are super happy for us and all say we will be great parents and that being on the spectrum actually could give us some advantages. And in the end isn't it all about love? Well I got plenty of that to throw around!
Random Pregnancy Observations
Boy I was so pregnant in the first few months! I felt like the most pregnant person in the world the moment the sperm hit the egg. I was waddling, my boobs felt all kinds of odd, I couldn't lay on my stomach and I was very nauseous. I was prepared to get a very pregnant pregnancy and be the most stereotypical pregnant woman ever. My family was commenting on how pregnant I was and that I already had a bump before I finished month 3. And then it all went away once I entered the second trimester. Quite strange to be honest. Suddenly I didn't feel pregnant at all anymore, not even when my belly started getting bigger and bigger and was not hideable. ( I was still hiding my pregnancy in real life when I was 6 months pregnant. I got a kick out of that!)
As you can see I was very inconsistent with the pictures, even forgetting a few months
Then at the 8 and a half months mark the pregnancy hit me again. Between the back and the rib pain ( I don't know why this one took me by surprise), I also started to go to the bathroom quite often including during the night. Something I had avoided for most of the time. I am happy to announce that my body took only a few weeks to get used to the interrupted sleep pattern and I am now passing out right when hitting the mattress again. WOOOOO! The weirdest symptom I recently got is the way my body feels though. Internet told me that I would get loose joints (it has been telling me that I would get them by month 6) but when I got them I was not prepared for how odd that feeling is. I feel like a semi broken marionette. Or not very well made rag doll. It is the oddest feeling. Sometimes I think I will stand up, walk and just fall apart.
But the emotional side effects of pregnancy are still spared (and never came after all). Even those pesky nightmares.
Pregnant women are suppose to have weird and very vivid strange dreams, often riddled with nightmares. The thing is that I always had very vivid and strange dreams so I have not seen a change in that. I have had some pregnancy/baby related ones but they were very rare. My dream to nightmare ratio hasn't changed either.
One thing I recommend though is that you might want to carefully select what kind of info you acquire when it comes to pregnancy, birth and parenthood.
Being on the spectrum, I want to know every single detail so I can be prepared, but reading too much too fast was really hard on me. Pregnancy is the most human thing I have ever done. I have never felt this human and normal in my life. And it feels like birth and the weeks after might be some of the most humiliating experiences I will go through (yes and no. It was really not as bad as I feared). I have noticed that many people with ASD have troubles with regular human things, like digestion and such. They have troubles letting go of a certain amount of control, and letting other people take over for them. I am not a prude person but I don't like strangers, especially don't like being touched by them. Just the thought of strangers touching my private parts makes me feel like I have given up a piece of me and my dignity. Not a nice feeling. These are some of the emotions that went through my head while reading all of this new info. Not that I was scared of the pain (more intrigued really) but I was scared about being human, and giving up some of my dignity that carries me through life. I am simply not the kind of person that accepts this kind of stuff as normal because I am just human (or am I?).
I have never been like this. I quickly realised that I needed the info but only in little bits and pieces with lots of time to work through it in between. At this point I have not gotten any new info for over a month and I feel strangely chill about it all. I am positive that birth is going to be fine and that even if the weeks after are hard and I might not get an emotional connection with the creature, that it is also normal and it will come with time. (the birth was fine, the weeks after too. I even connected with the monster straight away).
I think going to the hospital, asking lots of questions and making it clear to my midwife that since I am on the Spectrum, in order to have the most relaxed birth possible, having some requirements are sort of mandatory. I feel super confident now and am not afraid at all anymore. Even though I am not of the hippy variety that thinks positivity fixes everything, I definitely believe that negativity is no good. And I worked hard to not have any in my surroundings. I am planning birth as best and vigorously as I would any other trip so I would feel the most comfortable possible. I want to know all the variations and situations that might ensue and my snack and goodies bag is bigger than expected (Internet said you won't need food during labour so I packed quite little. Big mistake. I was starving and needed much more food than what I had). But if it makes me feel better and more calm why not. Now I just hope I am not being completely naive about the whole situation (thankfully I wasn't).
I would love to hear some pregnancy/birth related experiences from my fellow Spectrum peeps.
How was it for you? Did you relate to the usual stuff you read and thought my experience was really foreign to you?
First I have to admit that I don’t really think that the subject of pregnancy (especially mine) is very interesting at all. I always wanted to have children but somehow the thought of actually having to be pregnant first never crossed my mind. Then I got pregnant and suddenly I wanted to know more about it and what mysterious changes might be waiting for me month to month.
So after reading a whole bunch of articles in the like of “Ten things I never knew before being pregnant”, or “Best and worst things about pregnancy” I realised that I can not relate to any of these tales of impending motherhood.
I then decided to research how pregnancy affects people on the Autism Spectrum and unfortunately could not find anything either.
That was of course the moment I knew I had to write this post. After all, how could I complain about the lack of info on pregnancy with ASD without sharing my own account for future searchers just like I was a few months ago.
So as a little background info. I am 9 months and one week while writing this (who knows how long it will take me to upload it of course) (update: Little monster was born a week after this was written. She is now 1 months old) and I waited this long because I am honestly still waiting for some of those pregnancy symptoms I am supposed to get (I didn't). But since my due date is imminent I wanted to at least get this down and if those symptoms still show up I can always edit this post (I did).
(Me being dorky at 9 months in the Karel Zeman Museum in Prague) My point of view is basically this, I know I am a little odd and unique (people tell me all the time at least) and I am aware that since I am on the spectrum, neurotypical people and their life experiences are often a foreign concept to me. Yet, when I am told how things are or will be by a gazillion people my first thought is (though skeptical) “Well, that many people can’t be wrong, one never knows!” So this is why I am sitting here today with a seemingly different pregnancy to the ones I have researched, yet am still prepared to get that typical pregnancy experience in the last few weeks everyone is talking about.
Don’t get me wrong though, I am still human!
That means that technically I have a lot of those wonderful and sometimes pesky pregnancy symptoms that one is suppose to have while trying to grow a tiny little alien creature inside ones belly.
Only that all those symptoms are physical. The ones that seem to have completely missed me are all those emotional types of changes and things that a soon to be raiser of bundles of poo is supposed to have. I guess the first one is easily noticeable already. I don’t really care for babies or find them cute, and being pregnant hasn’t changed that at all.
So here is a sort of coherent list of things that I have experienced that I think might be related to being on the spectrum and things that have missed me completely.
As mentioned above I never really cared. There is/was babies I liked, I even nannied one for two years. I don’t hate babies either, I just really don’t care. I don’t care how they look, how they dress or anything related to them. Mother was really affected by the baby craze. The moment I told her about my pregnancy, she went into super crazy grandma mode. My entire life I had never seen her do anything baby related unless she had someones (not a stranger's) baby in her arms until I got pregnant. I was around 6 months when I went to visit and while having dinner she kept doing these odd sounds and movements when I realised there was a baby behind me. I had never seen this happen before and that is what I imagined I was supposed to be like too. The weird thing is that since being pregnant I have actually become more critical about babies and baby related things instead. When going clothes shopping I start getting bothered at the lack of color selection (beige, white, pink and blue come on!) or getting annoyed that baby clothes are gendered everywhere. On the one hand I find that fathers are not being involved enough when it comes to pregnancy and baby stuff (magazines etc…) to the point where they get involved too much (such as most places assume there is a man in your life when you are pregnant). This is nothing new of course since I have always been very annoyed at over-genderization, ableism, wrong assumptions about ones sexual preferences, outdated norms, racism etc.. etc…
The famous pregnancy nose
I feel like this is a pretty obvious symptom that most people know about. When someone is pregnant they get sensitive to scents and lots of things make them feel sick.
Funnily enough I have been told I am like a pregnant women for most of my life due to my scentsitivity. Now I know of course that besides having an acute scent detector, I also get sensory overload since I am on the spectrum. So this little side effect actually did not affect me at all.
I noticed so little difference about how I felt about scents that it is really negligible to mention.
Pregnant ladies are so over emotional and cry at everything all the time!
I was expecting to be a huge mess to be honest. Even though I am not an emotional kind of person I do get very deeply emotional once something does end up affecting me.
To best sum it up, I did not actually change in that regard at all. Funnily enough I cried a total of four times during the entire 9 months, which is less than usual. Two of them were completely absurd (one of them was because of mental exhaustion) and the two others were because I was being really emotionally terrorised by someone (aka a fight).
I did not cry because I was out of peanut butter, I did not cry because my favorite show ended, or because I saw a baby bunny. According to my husband I had no changes in this regard, which sort of confirms that I am not being a delusional AND emotional mess (unless he is lying of course!).
All them cravings!
I am generally a very cravy person but somehow the moment I was inseminated all my cravings poofed away. I had a hard three first months to be honest and was not able to eat, drink or live hardly at all. Luckily I didn’t vomit but the nausea got the best of me and left me in bed for most of the time. I always had a very sensitive stomach though and not eating well and regularly, affects me a little worse than most. So I was not surprised when this happened.
After the first trimester the nausea disappeared ( it felt like it was never going to though) and food was back on the menu. Strangely, until now, those famous cravings never really came. Maybe it is because I was so cravy before that this was a piece of cake or maybe because I am not depressed anymore and my previous cravings were of psychological nature. (Monster's out and still not cravy!)
Hormones really can be your friends, aka Goodbye Depression
Here is an odd one that I never read about before, but from the moment of conception I wasn’t depressed anymore. Which is honestly an incredibly strange feeling since I had been depressed for the past 17 years. I admit that I had been doing a lot of work fighting depression the year before I got pregnant and with the help of a therapist I was doing some really good head work. Yet the depression disappeared the moment my breasts got sore and the nausea came over me.
It is really strange to describe, but wow I did not remember at all how good it feels to be “normal”.
This made me realize that ASD is really not something I have issues with but depression and anxiety is what really messed with me and my life. Now that I know how much easier things can be when I am just being me sans depression, and how much self hatred and self doubt can take a toll on you, I am determined to not let this happen to me again. I am aware that when my hormones dissipate again that my depression could very well come back. (Luckily my hormones are still keeping me depression free and I didn't even get the baby blues!) But now that I know how it feels without it I will fight tooth and nails to get rid of it as fast as possible.
So for all those peeps that have been depressed so long they can’t remember what it is like without it anymore, don't give up hope. Keep fighting and one day you will beat this sucker!
I know it is easy to say, since it kind of magically happened to me, but one does not have to get pregnant for it (especially since you are more likely to get more depressed instead), yet can be achieved all on its own. And as I had mentioned I was really close to getting there myself before all of this, and honestly some life circumstances means that this depressionless state might have also come from changes and fulfillment of wishes instead of being 100% hormonal. I shall have to analyse this subject in the future though to be able to come to some better conclusions.
Pregnancy brain
Oh god pregnancy brain, it hit me hard it hit me fast! Strangely, this symptom was not mentioned by anyone or anywhere until I started getting more info on the last trimester. Does this mean that usually people don’t get it until month 7 or 8? Not sure. I certainly got it right away. Pregnancy brain is a constant source of entertainment and confusion. It can be bad if you actually need to do things that are important and keep messing up though. I figured out a way of doing things so that my mess up ratio was quite diminished (besides that time I had an appointment at a health centre yet went to the wrong health center wondering why the lady didn't show up…) yet plentiful in my day to day life.
It is hard to describe pregnancy brain but I feel like I am this very mad professor stereotype but without the genius.
My brain usually works fine and then bam, it's doing all kinds of weird things that make me more spaced out and scatter brained than usual. I forget things faster, my attention span is very small and I am just plain confused as heck. Johnny keeps telling me stories that I promptly forget, even a day later, and can not believe that my brain would actually do such a thing to me.
But alas, I now know the cause and have accepted it into my life. And as mentioned before it can be highly entertaining if you let it. At least it is to us.
I also have high hopes that my birth will be chill thanks to pregnancy brain and that it will make the first few weeks after easier to handle.
Nesting aka putting a label on completely normal behaviour
So pregnant women are supposed to get this nesting instinct. Not sure really what that means but from what I have seen on media it does not apply to me. At the same time people say I am nesting. I mean yeah I am deep cleaning the house (something we started before conception yet never finished), I am organising my place (have you seen this mess? We have been fighting our depressions for years to be a little neater), getting rid of stuff I don't want (my to sell piles have been steadily growing for two years, selling them with a newborn won’t be a priority), as well as both making more space while buying more stuff (new human in the house needs both space and stuff). So my conclusion is, why call it nesting when it is simply common sense to prepare your place for a new roomie? Is Johnny Clyde also nesting? Was I nesting when I started my to sell pile two years ago or decided to deep clean because our place is a mess? Not sure. Maybe I just don’t understand the concept of actual nesting or maybe it is a bogus word that they throw around. You tell me…
Fetal movements are the best thing EVAH!
I have to admit that before I felt the little parasite move I was incredibly eager to feel it. After all, this is my first child to be and everything is new and exciting. I tried to pay very close attention to my body and googled for days how the first movements feel. In the end everyone had a different description so here is how the very first movements felt to me. Twitches. You know when sometimes random body parts start twitching, like your eye or other random bits. That is exactly how it felt to me. Sometimes it was just one twitch and sometimes it was several in a row.
That time was pretty neat! I was so excited every time it happened and couldn’t wait to let Johnny feel it, since he was on a month long work trip (we made a feature film actually!) at the exact time the little monster decided to make itself noticeable to the outside.
But then it didn't stop anymore. And the movements became hard, so hard that by month 6 it was kicking my laptop off my belly.
Yep, it felt like having a bear rave in my belly!
Now I don’t know how normal that is, but to me it felt like an incredibly active and strong creature, and I started to believe Johnny's promise from last year that he will put a demon in me. So ok, I admit it here and now, it kind of bothers me and people do not seem to understand that at all. I am saying this because there might be someone else being totally over that belly ruckus, feeling bad about it. The few people I told that I am not super happy with all these movements, reacted in a way that made me feel that they thought I was being crazy, and the movements are the best thing ever. So don’t let yourself get guilt tripped if you do feel this way. In the end, I am happy about the activity since it means the creature is strong and healthy and it is comforting knowing 24/7 that all is well, but this is still my body after all. I don't need someone kicking me in the ribs for months on end or forcing me to the bathroom because they think my bladder is a football. And honestly sometimes it is plain scary. At 6,5 months Johnny thought I was in labour because I exclaimed “Oh god, it's trying to come out” at a particularly weird and active kicking moment. Little demon simply liked to sometimes eel dance horizontally so strongly that it really felt like it was trying to bust out my belly right there and then.
Besides feeling uncomfortable, that is really freaky and something I can do without. Also internet said that in the last few months it won't move as much as it has less room, but this little thing makes room for that!
Crankiness and mood swings galore
Not sure if this is an actually occurring symptom or simply a stereotype. But besides the usual sensory overload crankiness (which has actually diminished in the past months) I have had no mood swings or other irrational and strange new behaviours. I do have to say that I got a new and improved no-nonsense attitude though. It had been brewing before the pregnancy but since I was a depressed self-hating, self-doubting mess it was quite hard to implement. I always imagined myself to be a no-nonsense mom so that together with that new found insight, I was not surprised I was finally able to implement it better. How this manifests is that I am faster to say no to things or walk away in a negative situation. Before hand I was very patient and just tolerated most things since I don't want to hurt anyone. But if you are only negative to me and my life, I now see no point in going through that for no reason (besides being nice but is that really enough?). I guess the maternal protection instinct kicked in there too, since I really don’t want negativity in my future monsters life either.
Chillest of the Chill
Dem hormones I tell you! I have always been a calm person, but inside I am usually a hot mess. I worry too much and I stress a lot as well. I get anxious so easily that I banned myself from thinking 6 months ahead into the future because I would get too wrapped up to even realise what is happening around me. Now I am as chill on the inside as I am on the outside. Instead of stressing out how bad of a parent I might be and that I might drop the little demon on the first day and scar it for life, all I can think of is that babies have been raised by clumsier people than me and lived, so all is well. It is honestly astonishing the things I can brush off at the moment. It makes me quite happy since I expected to be a huge mess while being pregnant, plagued by horrible thoughts and worries day and night. That the opposite happened was a lovely surprise.
I am so chill that it swaps over to the people around me which made for a mostly calm and stress free pregnancy. All I could wish for really.
Even though I would have no issues with a tiny demon
And then there was the pesky pulse
I read that pregnant women not only have more blood but also a stronger heart rate. That is dandy and all, until I started feeling and then hearing my own pulse. It's funny since I asked a few people (doctors and midwife) if what I was feeling was my pulse and most responses were that humans can’t feel their own pulse. It is indeed a weird answer since I can very well feel my pulse if I touch my wrist or neck. Any who, the new feeling was in my belly area. I could feel it on the left and right and it felt odd. The bad bit was when I tried to sleep though. I could hear my pulse and it was very distracting to be honest. Swish, swish, swish, it went while I was trying to listen to my audiobook at night. Sometimes a position change would make it less audible but mostly it just got louder the quieter the room became.
My midwife told me that I must be quite sensitive since I notice so many subtle changes during my pregnancy. Well, yeah I am. I am on the spectrum after all, and noticing subtle changes is my thang.
This is it for part I. In the next part I will talk a little about Pregnancy Regrets and Random Thoughts. So stay tuned! If you have any thoughts on stereotypical or completely unexpected pregnancy symptoms let me know!
Today is a very special Woeful Windsday. Today nearly a week ago (by 1 hour and 40 minutes) a little creature appeared in our midst.
If you have been wondering why there has been less activity on this blog for the past few months, this would be the reason.
Our good friend and amazing artist Taylor Dolan was so nice to create this incredible birth announcement for us.
Hopefully you are all prepared for me to only blog about baby related things and Parenthood from now on!
Just kidding everyone :P
I am on the Autism Spectrum (the AS part of the ASD. D standing for disorder). If you want to be specific, I have Aspergers but I often also say I am Autistic. Either of the three are correct in my case, and I switch between them on a regular basis depending on the flow of the sentence/whom I talk to.
This is not going to be a post about ASD in general or my experiences with it. I will do that somewhen in the future. My writing relationship is: when it comes, it comes and so far it has not.
I have battled for a very long time to finally get my diagnosis and I also have such wonderful things such as Depression and Anxiety, more you can read about here. Unlike Depression though Autism is not something I have an issue with. It is also not something I want to eliminate but rather find out more about, and to what extent it is a part of me. In the time that I have know that I am Autistic I have found out so many interesting things and how that affects me in my daily life. Interestingly enough it has quite a bit to do with my skincare habits and the way I review products. Everyone has their cosmetic preferences of course, yet having SPD, (Sensory Processing Disorder that often comes with ASD) or sensory issues as I like to call them, can bring quite a new perspective into how I choose my cosmetics.
As you might have read here, Johnny Clyde is also on the spectrum and has his own set of sensory quirks that have been a fountain of entertainment for me. Not because I enjoy when he suffers but sometimes he is just so cute when his sensory issues get in the way of trying out new things as seen in the video below. I mean, how can one resist a husband who occasionally acts like a kitten? And in case you wonder I don't spray him with stuff all the time for my own amusement.
So his opinions will be included here since every one is different and two points of views are always more valuable than one!
Lets get to it then. I will start with something that I have comparatively little issues with yet Johnny Clyde cant really stand. As seen above the topic is sprays. And Mists of course, lets not forget those!
I find sprays to be quite practical and because of that I generally accept that mild discomfort they give me. The issues I have with sprays are actually similar to Johnnys only that it doesn't bother me as much as him. They are often wet (a big nope from my part. See why below), can touch/tickle skin in funky ways and clog the air around you so that you can not breath and have to flee with arms wobbling to fresh air safety. And yes, that is indeed what I do when I use sprays. I cant say that I don't enjoy that part.
Johnny said that he hates the feeling of water droplets hitting his skin ( absolutely! yuck!) which is what he feels when he gets sprayed.
Yep that is exactly how it feels! Darn water drops...
Mists don't really do that but they have the other attributes which makes them a no go for him.
I really tolerate mists much better than sprays. I had a hard time finishing Innisfrees Canola Honey “Mist” since it has the biggest wettest droplets ever and its spray mechanism is atrocious. To be honest I bet there is still some left in the bottle since I just toss it in the corner every time I use it, out of spite.
By the way the Mist I am using in the video is my beloved Holika Holika UV Wonder Shield reviewed here. If you have issues with sprays but prefer fine mists then try to get products in spray cans. The chance of getting an almost non noticeable mist is much better with that kind of packaging than regular spray bottles. One of my favorite is Holika Holika (they seem to have nice mists!) Good Cera Mist. Water is a big no no for me. I just don't like it. I mean I love swimming and bathing but showers are no good. Neither is rain. I mean I love rain but I can't stand getting hit by those pesky droplets. It's not wet it's moist and moist is just gross. Not the word but the feeling. I have read in ASD related forums that other people have issues with water or moisture too, so I am not alone. *phew*
If I already have a 30 minute fight with myself to finally go shower (of course I have no bathtub) because I dread the water hitting my skin, you can imagine I try to avoid similar sensations with my skincare. It also adds to my water phobia that my skin is so dry it shrivels up and starts itching just at the thought of getting wet.
So there is a few products that I am not fond of. Sheet masks is a big one.
They are often super wet and that is not a comfortable feeling for me at all. This is also the reason I much prefer Hydrogels since they are moist but more like a watery gel and not soaking wet.
I still use sheet masks since I own some but it is certainly not a spa moment for me. The ones I have I got as a gift and use them since they do really help my dehydrated skin get some needed moisture.
As you might have read before (here for example) I avoid using water on my face.
This is not due to a sensory issue but because of the drying quality of water. Since my skin type is very dry I have no issue having a “waterless” routine, and not getting wet at night during cleaning is just a sensory pro for me. If I do one day find a cleanser that requires water and leaves my skin as moist as non water cleansers I am likely to switch to that. My favorite sheet mask so far is Innisfrees Royal Jelly mask which has a creamy essence which is less wet than most masks and also lovely on dry skin.
Johnny has a different reason why he does not use sheet masks.
He used them once and had such a hard time with it on his face I haven't even offered another to him since.
Johnny has this thing where he can't breath when his face is soaking wet. I honestly don't know how he loves using foaming cleansers since they require a lot of water (aka not breathing while washing). I might film him while washing his face one day since I find it incredibly fascinating. He does this little dance with the water where it looks like he is drowning in the sink coming up gasping for air rhythmically.
I guess if that is all you know when you come in contact with water, yet you love water, you just accept it as a part of life.
Obviously I knew this part of him, yet I did not expect the reaction when I gave him his first (and last) sheet mask. Since the mask was so wet he had trouble breathing, wheezing for ten minutes trying to get used to the feeling of the mask. I eventually took it off him since he looked so miserable (and adorable but I promise I am not a sadist!). His skin doesn't require sheet masks so I thought that ordeal is really not necessary. In the end though, no one really NEEDS sheet masks, right?
Another big issue is scent.
Johnny has no issues with scent but in this case I am scentsitive for both of us.
I have a very developed sense of smell. I can smell the faintest scents and often identify them if I know what they are in the first place. Since I can smell such faint things (to the point where others can’t) many things linger much much longer for me than most. Also many scents are not pleasant to me since I seem to have an issue with many artificial smells as well. I can handle strong natural scents much better than non natural ones for some reason ( I have the same issue with taste actually) so many skincare products give me some sensory issues since companies love masking “unpleasant” scents with fake “good” scents. In this case I rather prefer a “bad” natural one such as many acids have.
No issues there.
Many scents also give me a headache which is a big reason why I use no perfume or incense. There is some exceptions but to get to those I have to smell a lot of things that will give me a headache for hours and it is just not worth it. That being said I love scents that I consider pleasant (such as this heavenly smelling sheet mask which makes it worth being wet for) but they are rare. So if you read my reviews I usually rank scents on how strong they are and have even stopped using some because they were too strong or gave me headaches. Two examples from the top of my head are the Face Shop Mango Seed Heart Volume Butter and Nuxes Dry oil.
The biggest issue out of all of these is the film dilemma.Not movies but a film on your skin kind of film. I had huge issues when I was younger with this and sort of got used to it but I still have my beef with products that don't sink in 100%. Johnny hates this layer on his skin, as he calls it, as well.
Fortunately he has normal skin so he doesn't need as “potent” cosmetics as I do but unfortunately products sink in a lot less than they do on my parched skin. I basically stopped using western hand creams because none I try seem to actually sink in completely. Everyone I use make me feel like my hands are gross and dirty and I have to wash it off. If you have similar issues with hand cream you can give Etude House creams a try. I have used a few so far (like this one) and they are all watery and pleasant to use.
It is hard to explain how sensitive someone can be, but a good example is that I used to not be able to wear nail polish a few years back because I couldn't tolerate the feeling of the polish on my nails. I had instances where I created nail art on myself as a teenager (because fun!) and once it dried took it all off again. As I said it is hard to explain.
Now many products (especially the ones targeted at dry skin) leave a film on the skin on purpose and some because they are in my opinion cosmetically inelegant.
I think a big reason why I prefer Asian creams so much more to Western ones is that even the thicker kind often have a more watery feel than the Nivea type texture you find in most Western creams for dry skin. They are more efficient in dealing with my skin type and feel much much better when applied. I was actually using Queen Helens Cocoa Butter (in the bottle) for about 10 years exclusively for my entire body since it was the only product I could tolerate, since it actually absorbed completely. The issue with that is that for my super dry skin it only works when I am in a Tropical climate and when in Europe I still suffered of itchy dry skin. But the feeling when adding the really heavy stuff that is considered appropriate for my skin type is not worth the outcome.
Especially since the outcome wasn't even good. I still ended up having dry skin either way.
The other type of products that leave a film on skin besides creams are oils.
I love oils and I hate oils. Since I was little, oil was smeared on me due to my dry and sensitive skin. But most oils just feel completely awful on my skin since they just sit there having a tickle party. Luckily I have found a few oils that are quite wonderful in terms of “dryness” and fast absorption time. My favorites at the moment are Graymelins 100% Natural Facial Oil and The Saems Harakeke Seed Oil.
Another product type I used to avoid like the pest was sunscreens. I guess I am lucky that I grew up during times where people actually thought that Black or Brown people don't need sunscreen. I don't remember instances of having to use sunscreen as a kid but I do remember seeing my white mother applying it to herself while in the sun unlike my black dad who never looked at a sunscreen before.
I say luckily since I wasn't tortured with said products but knowing what I know now about UV rays and photoaging I guess it wasn’t really that great after all. The good news is that there is Asian sunscreens and they are really really different to most western ones. There are some that are so non sunscreeny when it comes to texture that if tested blind one would think you were being smeared with bits of cloud (talking about you my beloved Biore Watery Mousse). One of my Korean favorites is Etude House Sunprise Super Aqua Sunscreen since it is non greasy and very fast absorbing.
Wouldn't it be great if sunscreen application was always this fun!
The reason for this post is that maybe other people on the Spectrum might find it useful to read about certain cosmetics that may or may not trigger sensory issues with them.
The other reason is that it might give non Spectrum and non Sensory Sensitive people a little bit of a perspective on what my descriptions actually mean. For example I found the scent of Papa Recipes AHA to be quite strong, yet Sam from Colorcrrush describes it as scentless. In that regards half the things I give Johnny to smell, so he can help me describe them for the reviews, are completely scentless to him. I don't think I have ever come across a truly scentless product, not even Cleansing Waters to be honest.
So basically don't be surprised to try out items I review and really disagree with my scent descriptions. It can also widely vary with the textures too. I sometimes read reviews of products I have already used to see how people deal with the textures and films they leave and they are either not mentioned at all or described as pleasant/fast absorbing. After all everyone is different and some are more sensitive to certain things. And when it comes to textures and scents I happen to be very critical. I do hope that this was even remotely interesting for you and I would love to hear what quirks and preferences you have with your cosmetics. If you are on the Spectrum please let me know how you deal with your sensory issues! And if there are any ASD related questions feel free to ask away.
Hello there dear Batlings,
I thought I should keep you updated on why it has been so silent around here recently.
I have been sick for the past few weeks and honestly don’t know when I will be better. It could be days it could be a few more weeks. I was working on so many posts but wasn’t able to finish any since I had not anticipated getting sick. Unfortunately I am too weak to post and all I am able to do right now is lay in bed trying not to sleep 24/7. It is a pretty boring and dull process to be honest, with a touch of pain in regular intervals to keep me on my toes. I hope to get some more energy soon to be able to blog a little bit but for now I will concentrate on recovering.
I hope you are all doing well out there in the real world!
And here I leave you with a baby bat to cheer up your day
Screenshot from Ceaseless. Can you spot the Korean Cleanser?
I just realized that some of you might have no clue what I do in my day to day life. If you would go off the information on this blog it might look like I slather myself in skincare all day, while watching tons of films trying to not get a breakdown from too much anxiety and depression.
While some of my days might look like that, not all do.
I am actually an artist, which some of you might have deduced if you went back enough in my blog history.
I have always been that kind of kid that was different. I loved fashion and art since a very young age. I remember one of my favorite things to do was to dress up, put on makeup and either dance or lip sync to my favorite soul songs. Sometimes I would copy the makeup on CD covers or just improvise.
Costumes had to be modelled of course!
I don’t remember a time not liking to draw or craft. Some of my favorite memories of my childhood are crafting with Mother. One of my favourites were making things out of plaster and then painting them. They usually were some kind of miniature items and I remember being so proud to be able to use the smallest brush we found in the art store. No surprise that I ended up making miniatures out of polymer clay for years!
That is actually were the name 35th of May came from.
I needed a name for my etsy store and I thought it was a good fit.
I have been doing so many art related things over the years but my favorites have been writing, sewing, interior decorating and beauty related things. I love them since I can incorporate them in every day life which keeps my surroundings visually pleasing to me and my look eccentric in a most comfortable way.
It is correct to say that even though I love doing a lot of different things I had never really found the one to truly fulfil my life.
As much as I loved making jewellery, it just started losing its magic for me.
After a lifetime of switching art types back and forth I realised I needed to find something that is diverse enough to always keep me on my toes.
I actually made a miniature Tea set for this shoot but only one tiny bit is visible on the right
One of my biggest obsessions that I have had since I was able to press the play button on a VCR, were movies. I mean, they are my friends and some of them make me truly happy when I need it the most.
As someone who struggles with several neurodiverse issues, films can be life changing.
They can help me get through those really hard days and make me feel less weird and alone in this world.As someone who loves art, films are just wonderful inspiration and something that brightens my day when I find real life too dull.
I always knew that the film industry was something I would aim to work in but never thought I could ever break through into it. Starting to work in film can be very hard if one has no connections, or one lives in a place without film related anythings.
A Pre-Raphaelite inspired shoot photographed by Vicente Arenas
Of course my young me never predicted the invention of digital film and meeting my magical husband Johnny Clyde.
When I met him, he was an ex film projectionist that wanted to be a composer but his secret wish was to become a film director.
Now thinking back, it is pretty funny he never told me his goal was to become a director, since I never told him mine was to become a production designer in film.
By the time we met, I had done the production in photoshoots but never vocalised the wish to branch out to moving pictures.
I guess we were meant to be, since we are a perfect fit both in our personal as our professional life.
Once we left the USA and finally had some time to create art again we immediately started planning our first film. A short called Ceaseless.
It was a rollercoaster of experience. We realised our non neurotypical brains worked in a very unique way that most people had not anticipated. It was a breeze to make Johnny’s world a reality.
We are so in tune and have similar tastes that with a bit of cash and things I found in our place (and the Library for that matter), I turned out newly moved into apartment into a film set.
Behind the scenes on Ceaseless
Now I have the opportunity to work an a feature film and I am so incredibly excited about that!
I can not even express how much this means to me. I have been searching for so long and I know I have finally found it! I feel like the production work I have done so far all built up to this one moment. Into the World Inverted is such a simple story that is still utterly enchanting and magical. It is a true challenge to visually create a world that is both real yet surreal at the same time.
My computer is filled up with mood boards, inspirational photos and notes about all of the characters costumes, hair, makeup and sets.
I am incredibly lucky to be working with people that I respect and admire. It makes creating looks for them such a breeze and once again Johnny and I are always in the same lane when it comes to aesthetics.
Collaboration with Taylor Dolan, one of the leads in Into the World Inverted
We are currently in the funding stages since one needs Moolah to make a feature film.
It would mean the world to me if you could check the project out (Here) and share it with your friends. I believe that living out your passion is one of the most important things to obtain happiness. This is my passion!
And having it so close is simply life changing.
I hope this has shed a little light on what I do. I am generally a very private person so I usually don’t talk about my non blogging life. If there is any specifics you are interested in, feel free to ask me though. I might be private but I am not secretive! What are your secret or not so secret passions?
Todays Woeful Windsday is quite special to me. This is the amazing Poster Saffron Lily created for Into the World Inverted. It will be my first time doing the production design for a feature length film.
We are currently in the Kickstarter stage, since one can not make a feature without any moolah.
I am awaiting the start of filming with a lot of excitement!
I should probably write a post on what I do besides blogging, since me being a production designer might come as a surprise to some of you.
Hallo there dear Batlings
as you can see lots of changes have been happening.
Even though I am still battling with depressions and my mental health journey is at a tough point while I try to get diagnosed (which can be a gruelling process), I am very motivated to make this a lovely space of skincare fun and happiness fluff.
Oh, well maybe that is not the best description but you know what I mean!
At my last Giveaway I asked you, dear readers, to tell me what sort of things you would like to see more on the blog and of course I am happy to oblige!
I really appreciate all the comments and suggestions from all of you.
I already have started writing a few new things keeping in mind what you have mentioned.
I also hope that you all like the new look!
The last change was a temporary in between buffer to see how I would like a lighter color scheme and I have to say that I dig it, so of course we went a step further and remade the whole thing.
As much as I like black and burgundy (Vampire life!), I am also a huge sucker for pastels.
I have been dreaming of a pastel rococo themed boudoir/toilette for a very long time and since that is not in the near future I thought I might as well give this blog a little touch of cake and sweetness. There will be a few more tweaks happening soon but nothing major anymore.
There is also a Giveaway winner to announce!
Congratulations Jessica for winning the 35th of May Celebration Giveaway
a Rafflecopter giveaway
I hope that I will be able to hold another Giveaway soon. I still have a sample Giveaway that I wanted to hold and already started buying things for future ones as well.
So thanks again for being such amazing peeps. So long for now and don’t forget your towel!
Hello there! I was once known as Moi Sanom, someone who loved writing about movies and skincare.
After a long hiatus due to health issues, I find myself wanting to write about these things once again.
If you’re still here, welcome back!
I know that, just like me, there are others out there in the intangible world of the internet who still want to read long-form thoughts from fellow human beings.
So if you like reading as much as I like to write, I hope you enjoy your time here.
