Johnny Clyde and how to (not) apply Make-Up

7:16 PM Moi Sanom 0 Comments

So after reading Samplehimes post on how her boyfriend applied Make up onto her face, I knew I had to try this little experiment out with Johnny Clyde.
I laid out several products for him to choose from and gave him 2 rules:
1: I will answer 4 questions ( He only used 2 of them, can you tell?)
2: I will give you two hints (One of them was use mascara as the last step of the eyes, no other hints given.)

Now I will pass the torch to Johnny Clyde so he can explain to you how exactly to beautify a woman, and make her look her best! 

Me, the victim, smiling like a fool!
Today I am going to be teaching you all how to apply make up.
Make sure you read carefully. My method is very precise and it's easy to make mistakes.
So remember!
If it doesn't turn out the way it did for me, you probably missed a very important keyword, so re-read it and try again.

Step 1: The Understanding
Familiarize yourself with your available products. Walls, balloons, baby heads, these are all good things to experiment with to better understand which methods work best with which tools.
After you've loosely identified everything (don't worry about specific names. Doesn't really matter. "stick" is good enough) hold each item up to your forehead to understand the chi it has.
If it's chi feels unbalanced, fret not. This does not mean this product is useless, it just means you're going to have to take it away from the other products for a little bit, and calm it down.
This is very important for lipsticks, especially.
Lipsticks are pretty sensitive.

Available a selection of Western and Asian make up products
Step 2: Stretch
I cannot stress enough, the importance of stretching. There isn't even enough room on this entire blog for me to detail the importance of stretching.
Just be sure to do it.
Also be sure no pets or close family members are in the room with you while you perform your makeup stretches.

Step 3: Apply Powder #1
Powder number one should be applied first.
It's very simple, with your little sponge rag, pat the powder until you cough from the residue.
Then lightly dab that sponge rag all over your face, be sure to get every inch of your face.
Including your nostrils.
A lot of people skimp out on the nostrils.
The fools.
My reaction after he smeared an incredible amount of my precious Cats Wink Pact onto my face!
Step 4: Apply Eye Stick
This is where practicing on a wall comes in handy.
Once you've got a nice powder all over your face, it's time to move onto the eyeballs.
Pull the two flaps above the eyeballs down, as you draw a straight line across.
Be sure to get the bottom flap, too.
Then the two lines meet at a point.
This is what we in the makeup business, call a reunion.
These are essential for survival.

His reaction after drawing eyeliner in my eyeball. He asked me if I felt it, hahaha of course, it's my eyeball!
 Step 5: Eye Flaps continued
Now it's time to apply the shadowy bits to the eye flaps.
What color shadowy bits should you use?
Well, I'm glad you asked, friend.
Look outside, what color is the sky?
That's the color you should use.
The reason for this is, birds. Birds are naturally attracted to colors that differ from the current sky color, and by attracted, I mean they will try and kill you.
 So for today, it was pretty gray.
Make sure you really dab it on there, all around the eye. Both of the eyes.

Purple eyeliner, grey eyeshadow and some mascara aka barb wire scrub scrunch-a-magic

 Step 6: The Face
Now it's time to apply all sorts of stuff. Take your paint brush, and dip it into the darker powder. Darker than the powder you used earlier to apply everywhere.
Now here you should really experiment, but don't stray too far from the path, or you could end up looking ridiculous.
Make sure to get all over the face AND the nostrils.
 Lastly, take the darker powder, and dab two dots on each cheek.
This will give you a 'doll' look, but is not recommended for major holidays.

He actually applied brown glittery blush all over my face! I could barely hold myself at this step!

Step 7: The Lips
This is basically a coloring book.
Real easy stuff, unless you've got zero talent.
Choose which lipstick color you want, and pucker your lips.
Then spin the lipstick as you apply it everywhere.
Now open your mouth real wide and get in all those hidden lip cracks.
This is the only time you should not be eating food. Because it will likely fall out of your mouth.

 Surprisingly good lipstick application!

Step 8: The finishing touches
Now you take that little black barb wire scrub scrunch-a-magic and bring it up real close to your eyes. This seems scary at first, but grow up.
This is for your eyelashes.
It cleans them.
People don't realize how dirty their eyelashes are!

In fact, they're so dirty, that if you're cleaning your eyelashes with your little black barb wire scrub scrunch-a-magic and you miss, you'll notice some dirt residue left on your face. Just leave it, it's too late anyways.
That's it!
Now you're ready for the world.

The artiste seems proud with his work!
Last rule, though, this one is very important.
Don't check the mirror.
Mirrors and cameras are terrible liars.
If you heard the things they say behind your back, I wouldn't even have to tell you.
Just go straight out into the world.
You're beautiful

If the artiste tells me to flex, I flex!
In return I got to take away his beloved eye circles, and to be honest its super creepy!

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