Johnny Clydes Skin care guide for beginners and other creatures

4:33 PM Moi Sanom 2 Comments

johnny-clyde
AFTER the routine
 Hello everyone. I am husband of Moi Sanom.
I used to be a bat before we met, which was crazy. Through proper skin care I have become something less attractive than a bat but the limbs are nice. I used to have quite a bit of skin problems. I tried a bunch of store products but nothing really helped, or it would only help until I stopped using it. So nothing actually cured my bad skin, just sustained it. Now when I get the urge to go back to my animalistic ways of hunting in the woods for bugs for a week straight without washing my face, I suffer little consequences. Except hunger. So not only has my skin been much better since starting this process, it's practically cured and I don't have to worry about breaking out more then a tiny bit if I don't wash every day. (Although you probably should anyways)

BEFORE
So step 1 Cleansing
When you're an ex animal like myself you know all about collecting tons of dirt and grime and maggots on your face. If you used to be a snake then you can skip this next bit because you already know about shedding skin.
Humans have a lot of dead skin on their face.Which is cool if you're into that, but depressing if you think about it.
You're doing your skin a favor if you wash away that dead skin.
Since all your skin is family, you don't want to just leave the dead ones next to the others.
Think of the skin children. Same for dirt and grime and maggots.
Apparently that stuff isn't that great for your face?
Who knew.


There's a lot of options for how to clean your face. Things like foam cleansers, milk cleaners, cream cleansers, and oil cleansers. I personally use foam cleansers because it's soft and I was a pretty pathetic bat back in my day.
I like the tiny bubbles.
I like the tiny bubbles on my face.

tiny bubbles!
So I just put some of the product on my sponge, foam it up by squeezing, and I rub that bad boy all over my face. (there might be some language barrier here, because that doesn't sound dirty at all to bats)


The result!
Your face won't be disgusting! Washes away all that dirt, grime, oil, and dead skin bodies.

Step 2. Toning
 I'm going to be honest. I've got no idea what toning does. Back in the forest we had this thing we called a toning, but it's completely different. We basically bathed in blood. Donor blood though so it's cool.


Toning for humans and ex animals does a variety of things (my wife informs me)
For instance: If you've got troubled or oily skin, this is good for general cleansing and oil control.
So do it. You animal.
If you've got normal or dry skin, this is good for moisturizing. So do it either way. You creature of the night.
The thing about toner though, is it hates soap. So toner kills soap that's left over from step 1.
Kills it in a good way though.
Soap left on the skin is like soap left on your car.
It does something.
I don't know what but people don't seem to want it to happen. Maybe soap ferments and turns into battery acid. Science may never know.


You can use a cotton pad to rub it on your face or put some in your hands and pat it all over.
Toner also prepares your skin to absorb moisturizer easier. So if you've got skin, try toner today. It's good no matter what.

I regret everything! You are suppose to rub it in...don't do this at home...

Step 3. Moisturizer
Or as I like to call it. Step 3: The clicking bells of death are coming. (I don't know why I call it that, bells don't even click)
This step is good and a must for any skin type.
I guess I should just mention that everyone should do this routine because it's nothing but good for your skin.
Any skin type. Except possibly recently 3rd degree burned skin.
It is important to find a moisturizer (The clicking bells of death are coming) that works best with your skin. If you find a moisturizer that really does it for you, take it back to the forest and perform wedlock. Believe me finding the perfect one is not an easy task!

this is not the moisturizer for me
As for the recently 3rd degree burnt victim, you need to go to a hospital. The only moisturizer that's going to help you right now is damp bandages.

So with moisturizer you just rub it into your face skin. Not your face bones.
After that your skin will be instantly softer and brighter. For dry skin you'll feel that your skin doesn't itch or feel tight anymore.
For oily skin moisturizing will often prevent break outs, since it will stop your skin from over producing oil in order to make up for the dehydration of your skin.

Step 4. Sunscreen
Wear sunscreen on your face everyday!

Even if you don't really want to.
You've got to protect your skin, no matter what skin type you've got.
Otherwise it'll fall off D:
Er..well at least it'll help prevent skin sun damage and skin cancer.
The beautiful thing about sunscreen is it doesn't discriminate!
Sunscreen doesn't give a crap how old you are, it'll start saving your pathetic skin from that big ol nasty evil it's-way-too-hot-for-life-glare-right-on-everything-just-go-away-it's-supposed-to-be-night-now- sun.

http://www.cristalmilk.dk/2014/07/dont-wrinkle-wear-sunscreen/

So if you find yourself a good sunscreen that offers protection from both UVA and UVB rays, you could literally completely avoid that anti aging cream trap all together!



Bonus step! For the real adventurous types. Just kidding, it's just for the non lazy types.
You ex sloths get out of here.
Exfoliating gets rid of dead skin cells.
Exfoliators are basically flowers for the grieving still living skin. You only need to do this once or twice a week because your skin just needs to get over it and accept the death of the other cells.
If it's a physical exfoliator you just rub it gently on your face, then wash it off. This will give you a nice deep cleanse, make your skin feel brighter and amazing.


So in conclusion I definitely recommend doing this everyday.
And don't say you'll do it every day like you do your work out routines (I'm onto you)
ACTUALLY do it every day. It's worth it.
Your skin will heal and you'll realize that you don't have to worry about blemishes as much when you wake up. Even without troubled skin, you will find that this routine will help against aging and bring you one step closer to this guy:

His ex animal was a golden fox